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Grieving the Matrix

By | Fine Tuning | One Comment

In the mist of the morning, I look in the mirror and accept that one of the most deceptive enemies of the ‘Vital Arts Practitioner’ has caught up with me.

 

Age. At the very least, it is now in my field.

 

Silver grey has corroded the once deep brown whiskers on my face which detail the many sleepless nights working in realms I care not to revisit, although my exposure and travel through them has built a strength and knowledge within me that if ever called forward again would guarantee protection and a much softer landing after integration is actualized.

 

I sigh and am shifted into the gentle awareness that the time I am searching to reclaim, which has markedly “slipped away”, is actually chronicled on my chin, in the lines on my face, surrendered in my eyes. I have earned these “mortal” stripes and the compassion, clarity, magic, and wisdom that it brings cannot be traded for any amount of gold.

 

I witness two doves outside ascend harmoniously and land in unison atop a light post, and am reminded of the love in my life, partnerships and the commitment made when choosing this body: to experience, then share the reintegration of love and respect with the longing hearts that seek the blessings that come to those focused in service.

 

Having signed up for this journey, I have gone through quite a stunning process that has thinned the veils and revealed truths that remain less than comfortable for me. These realizations have placed me in precarious situations where clumsy behaviors have left me open to internal deception and parasitic intellects that derive their security from the most potent distortion bought, sold and accepted by the human race which is “fear”.

 

When first I began to open, I was working a somewhat “normal” job fueled by fear anchored firmly in keeping a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and clothes on my back. It makes perfect sense that those concerns would be embedded deep within me as a result of my direct caregivers being raised by souls subjected to war, famine, and rampant disease.

 

This realization forged the capacity to associate as “witness” to my outer experiences which slowly developed the internal compassion to dissolve the program and pattern of fear which was buried deep within my foundation. I knew it had been propagated from generation to generation with little or no real presence to what was “current” in “my” actual life. I was carrying the burden of those “too distracted to be proactive”, caught in the program of yesterday and unable to receive the present of the present.

 

By the age of three, I knew I was different. This awareness was amplified when, fairly early on in my youth, I was branded with the belief system that if I didn’t follow the model set forth for me by my care givers, I would suffer a long painful life. To quote verbatim the words that would insure my failure as a developing youth, “This is not Michael’s world, you cannot do things your way and you will never live up to your full potential, if you do not… (follow the demands we have placed on you with little or no attention given to your design, gifts or desires.”)

 

When I began following a life of loving service, my long lost childhood knowing of sustainable, benevolent magic was reawakened, which by the way, has much more to do with a deep connection to the earth’s cycles and, more than anything else, concentration and focus on peace and prosperity for prolonged periods of time. Some refer to it as meditation.

 

Here is a very loose time line that I have seen duplicated many times over by those who choose to apply themselves to and through The Breath Centers Gestation Package, which I lovingly have coined the “The Adult Hogwarts” of our time.

 

First phase

Dissatisfaction with life path, loosing connection to all relations and finding that those whose advice has been trusted and followed are just as or more lost than we.

 

Second Phase

Realization that the focus on developing a career to provide a better life for our families and us is a major distraction that creates critical separation between our vital internal connection and those we love.

 

Third Phase

Clarity that whatever we choose as a new direction in our lives must serve humanity in a way that we can really get behind and that it must include and secure within it a platform for our creative freedom, humor and continued stimulation. It must also be sustainable, meaning it can support no one else’s dreams but our own and has to serve others with such impact that there is little need for old structures that “normally” accompany building a fulfilling life.

 

Fourth Phase

Choosing a focus of study enveloped in one of the many and varied healing arts and then experiencing doubt and discomfort around the change and objections that accompany ones awakening and separation from mass group consciousness and the ignorance that fuels it. Along with this comes the realization that our ingrained fear around not being able to “make a living” at it is has been unsubstantiated, as we have survived quite nicely albeit a couple bumps which happen regardless in any new life experience.

 

Fifth Phase

After getting some traction and time under our belts as practitioners, we begin to believe deeply in the art, it’s power, and our ability to facilitate it.

 

Sixth Phase

Believing we are actually “the healer” and becoming so full of spirit in the right hemisphere and the etheric, we become quite disconnected from daily “real world” responsibility and sometimes even become critical of the process and the systems that are in place to provide contrast for the change coming in the future.

 

Seventh Phase

The Fall – Spirit can get loud when we are working out of alignment. This is what I call the “Shamanic Spanking” period, where the newly awakening and all high being is thrust back crashing down to earth, be it by loss of loved ones, health crisis, or relationship dissolve. This could be anything that doesn’t mirror the high and holy life experience one has made for themselves while conveniently overlooking their own spiritual bypass and ego as it allows them to check out of their own continued process.

 

Eighth Phase

Consideration of leaving the whole thing behind and returning to the matrix as a result of too much time spent in the esoteric. Becoming somewhat apathetic to the great numbers of those resolute in denial and distraction and the feeling that the dissolve of the savior complex has left one with little to prop themselves up on.

 

Ninth Phase

The Slow but Subtle Return

We have all of the connection to the earth, multiverse, spirit and etheric we could possibly need. We have learned that boundaries and permission are the only way we can survive in the assignment we can now really never back away from. Beginning to take interest in the workings and limited reality within the matrix and involving ourselves in discussion and group mind set at which ever frequency it is holding, knowing very well that this is what we came here for and that including all forms of reality at all levels of awareness is the only way to meet each where it is currently residing. We experience a reflecting back of increased possibilities for higher ways of evolving without judgment, critique, or adding to the very energetics that arrest the development we have committed to accelerate and support.

 

Number 9, the completion of cycles. I am in so much joy I am sometimes uncomfortable with it. It is overwhelming to have all things working together in a way that is abundant yet requires great character and integrity, lest the lesson get tremendously loud. Great gobs of gratitude for the “caregivers” that created the perfect contrast to the discovery of life’s greatest dreams for without their perfect balance of shadow, we would not be basking in such Clear, Sparkling, Benevolent Light.

 

Celebrating grey, it’s a perfect balance between light and dark…(Wink!)

 

For the good…

 

Michael